I am reflecting on how inanimate objects can become Intimate, and the kind of Things that really matter to me. I’m not a terribly sentimental person. I get attached to objects that perfectly serve their purpose and please my senses. I have some things that are decorative or just remind me of good things, but mostly they also need to be useful to really matter to me in the long run.
When I was growing up my mom’s household goods included some flatware with full oval black handles and rounded shape on the business end with plenty of surface. I used that flatware from the time I learned table manners. When the day came to move into my own apartment, my mother generously pulled duplicates and unused stuff from her kitchen to help me set up my new home.
I expressed offhand how much I liked that old black handled flatware and would miss it. She said “Oh! Well then you can have it.” By then it was less than a complete set, but I loved it so much that I took it. I was overjoyed.
My children grew up using that same black handled flatware. Over time the garbage disposal ate a few pieces, some got scraped into the trash accidentally, or someone took a piece out to use for an art or gardening project and it never came back to the kitchen drawer. I mourned every lost piece along the way, but this is the way of things that get used; we definitely used them.
When there just wasn’t enough left I gave in and bought some other silverware. Between mild autism, OCD tendencies, and fibromyalgia, it was really hard to find anything that felt good in my hand and none of it was my beloved black handle set. I finally bought something acceptable, but my heart was never with that set. I’ve used the remainder of the black handled stuff along with what I still think of as the (new) compromise silverware for many years now. I consistently pick the black handled ones out to use for myself and sometimes I’ll even go to the trouble to hand wash one to eat with if they are all dirty.
About three years ago I started shopping on the internet looking for more of the same silverware. Surely somebody has an old set. Maybe my internet-foo just failed, but I couldn’t find anything that remotely matched it. I had pretty much given up but groused about it every time I emptied the dishwasher.
A couple of weeks ago I walked into a thrift store in Colorado Springs with a dear friend. They asked what I might need there. I laughed and said, “I’ve been looking for this silverware…” so we found that aisle. There were five deep drawer size bins crammed with unsorted random silverware. I sighed and started to poke while my friend shopped for other things. Then a miracle happened! There it was… the Right Fork. Black handle, same shape head as mine, slightly more ornate shank where the head meets the black handle that makes them a little longer overall, but I really like it. Not an exact match but clearly the same manufacturer and in every important way, P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
I whooped for joy out loud! Other shoppers looked at me funny for a few minutes. I just grinned at them.
I spent the next 30 min methodically sorting through five bins and came up with a total of 15 pieces. I cannot describe how happy I was and still am! I am happy about it every time I open the kitchen drawer and every time I eat with them. I paid $6 at the thrift store. I had to ship them home ’cause all I had was a carry-on bag for the airplane and they wouldn’t approve of a bag full of table-knives at TSA. That cost me $50 because shipping costs (good grief!) It was just wonderful all over again to get the package I shipped to myself and get to unwrap them. Well worth the cost.
I have just used a picture of my new flatware and the magic of google image source search to find that I can order even more of these for $1.50 a piece if I want to. They are Guildcraft GUI1 Stainless Glossy Composite Handle Flatware. I probably will get more since they are in fact vintage and it was so hard to find them.
I need them to last me the rest of my life. Nothing else will do.
Cooking and eating is a ritual act, the magic of caring for and nourishing ourselves and others. The objects we use can become very intimate for us. For me, this flatware feels important and intimate. It makes me happy every time I pick it up.